Puerto Rico

Story by Theo Lewitt

iMac’s spinning beach ball of death stares you down as you slouch at the office desk. You shut lids for a second but they twitch with images of fluoro blue water, a local bar, dripping trunks, and a happily sunburnt face. Margarita? Yeah, with salt; the rim of the glass like those crusted eyelids of yours. That is, til your boss approaches and flicks your wetsuit rash.

Life expectancy sits at 82 years in Oz, four more than the states – about 30k days of life, near-half of which you’ll spend hunched over your keyboard, waistline growing above an IKEA swivel chair. But, bam! Epiphany! You’re not letting it happen! Open your browser and dial in on weather, the waves, and flights. Warm and cheap? Check and check! Throw it on the Amex and sneak away from the office: you’ll be needing warm water wax and some new slow-goers.

This is the Spice Market. It’s where you’ll learn where to quench that escapist thirst. We’re not just talking purple blob trips; we’re talking beach bars and spiced rum cocktails with a suitable ratio of girls to guys.

Oh, Isabela. According to Tom, this wave is a “heavy, quick drop, fast barrel, then you’ve gotta doggy door. What Tothy does out there is heavy, he’s got the place wired. When we were there it broke in the afternoon, which never happens. It’s a morning spot. It was raining, but Tothy was just saying, ‘we’ve gotta surf, this never happens,’ so I just shot in the rain.”

Puerto Rico!

Escape to Puerto Rico, where Caribbean rum meets aqua fun and golden everything. Sure, there’s plenty of bone crunching reefs that will happily force you to sit on an urchin, but PR also offers a slew of playful ramps that’d make any surfer Google flight deals. Don’t believe us? Allow local heroes, Brian Toth and Dylan Graves, and Reef team wanderer, Evan Geiselman, to do the convincing.

Why hit Puerto Rico in January? Toth currently calls 77-degree water “chilly,” and frequent visitor, Ev, claims to have never been skunked this time of year. The season starts as soon as the cold fronts start coming off of New York or south through Virginia, sending endless nor-westers PR’s way. With plenty of nooks and crannies to bend and twist whatever rolls in, you’ll find your share of gems with little trouble. Reefs, points, slabs – you name it, PR’s got it. “It’s just a really well rounded trip,” says Ev. Add some south wind, and you’ll have offshores for days around the town of Isabela and much of the island’s northwest, our region of focus.

Welcome to Aguada! “That’s a crazy reef,” says Tom. “It kinda gets exposed on the inside with urchins. But, it can hold as big as it gets out there. It’s like Haleiwa sometimes. It’s a really rippable wave, plus the locals are super chill – really good vibes out there. You’ve gotta know what you’re doing though.”

Fly into Aguadilla. The airport is only 10 minutes from where the world tour contest was held at Middles. Flying to San Juan leaves you with a roughly two-hour drive across the island. But, “expect some random flight times,” Ev warns. United and Jet Blue both fly into Aguadilla, but if you’re traveling with a few boards, the boys advise against Jet Blue. They charge 50 bucks a board, cash better spent on renting a car with 4X4, and rum…but more on that later.

– From the US: West coast: $500-$600 with a couple of stops. East Coast: $200-$300 straight shoot.

– From Aus: $1,200-$1,500 with a likely stop at LAX and EWR.

– From Europe: About the same as from Aus, depending on where exactly you’re coming from.

It’s a trunks and flip-fops kinda vibe, but that doesn’t mean you need to ditch the chinos and button down entirely. While the sun’s high, you’ll live in boardies and flip-flops. Toth sounded near confusion when we asked about shoes. “Shoes? Nope, not at all… it’s all about sandals, tank tops, and baggies (trunks)!” For some added sartorial elegance, however, we take cues from Dyl Graves, whose trunks no doubt sit a couple inches above the knees, and who isn’t opposed to lacing up some light canvas sneakers to round out an outfit.

“Yeah, you can go left there too,” says Tom. “If the wind’s straight it’ll handle it. It’s another heavy wave. Usually guys are going right, but the left is a heavy, slabbing wave and if you want it, you can take it.”

Does ‘when in Rome’ mean anything to you? Toth, Dyl, and Ev choose the town of Isabela to satisfy their rampy cravings – Jobos in particular. If you want the local hookup, might want to stay at the Ocean Avenue Guest House; owned and operated by Dyl and his brother, Josie. Watch where they sit in the lineup, and don’t burn Chongui – a standout you’ll surely spot tearing the top off every set wave. If the swell picks up, dash over to Rincon to surf spots like Dogman’s, Marias, and Steps; all rippable, all the time.

Get a little lost and you’ll be rewarded. Find one of the 50-plus empty breaks within a 40-minute radius around downtown Aguadilla. Unoccupied lineups await those with appetites for adventure. Second thought on attire; bring some Coastal Cruisers for these impromptu jaunts. Hikes happen.

Here’s Toth swinging out at Middles, a rippable right that runs enough for about three turns – almost like Lowers. The left boasts a quick-hit air section, too. Photo: Ryan Miller/redbull.com/surfing

You’re salty, sunburnt, and want nothing more than a meal to silence the stomach. Eat like the locals and you’ll keep the pocket plump and stomach lined. Before you surf, grab a breakfast sandwich or empanada at any of the local bakeries (“panaderias”), which sit on every corner in town and are open before sunrise. For lunch, hit El Controbando for the pastelón. Imagine lasagna, but replace noodles with sweet plantains. Dyl swears by the Moroccan beef at Colmado (in Isabela), the perfect way to pack the gut before a night out. Which reminds us…

Rum. Lots of rum. Puerto Rico is the rum capital of the world. With 70% of the world’s dance-inducing sugary serum coming from PR, your after-hours activities should be downright debaucherous. Downtown Aguadilla lights up big-time Wednesday through Sunday. A walk down the main drag reveals a plethora of local hotspots like 110 Thai or 300 Lounge, where you’ll find Graves sipping on a Ron del Barrilito and ginger and Tothy downing a Don Q and Coke.

“This is on your way out to Wishing Wells,” says photographer Tom Carey. It’s a beautiful stretch of land. One of the most beautiful places you could ever drive through to go and look for surf. When I think of how beautiful PR is, I think of that spot. It’s pastures of green grass and palm trees, then you arrive at this fluoro blue water… it’s incredible.”

You’ve done drunk the rum. You keep telling yourself, “good from afar, far from good,” hoping to avoid a story best left at the airport. No need. PR is overflowing with the better sex; You’ll cruise down the boulevard an overwhelmed bobble head. If you follow Dyl to Old Town San Juan for the night, you’ll be greeted by 1500’s era cobblestone streets lined with twenty-something-year-old local talent and tourist chicks alike – each bouncing their short-skirt wrapped bodies to hyper-erotic reggaeton a la Wisin & Yandel’s Noche de Sexo. Translation likely unnecessary.

Speaking of Old Town, start at El Batey (on Calle del Cristo) for a true dive experience before stumbling onward. Head over to Basiliko on Calle Fortaleza, the busiest party street in San Juan, and you’ll find Hugo shaking up deadly Mojitos that’ll shove you onto the dance floor. Here, blaring beats crumble the building’s original foundation on which you sweatily gyrate. If you’ve refused pants until this point, do yourself a solid and pull them on for the night along with your button up. No room for Flip-flops here.

Don’t get arrested. In recent years, cops have tightened their game around San Juan; so while devious doings are encouraged, you might want to keep it out of the streets. Don’t let the Spanish language confuse you – PR ain’t Mexico. Not everything’s fixable via a single Andrew Jackson (American currency, for you non-Americans).

Another angle of the right in Isabela. “PR is like the Hawaii of the Caribbean,” says Tom. “Definitely powerful waves, and it can get really big. Those big swells and offshores just light the whole place up. It’s so beautiful.”

Fight the hangover by hitting the water. There’re too many waves and waterfalls to discover for you to be sitting around nursing a heavy one. Trade winds tend to blow the surf by late morning, so tough it out early and nap after. In any case, definitely make your way to the jungle waterfalls at some point. They’re blessed with frolicking half-bikini-clad muses participating in the “free the nipple” movement. Perform your civic duty and join the protest. You might even reignite those vibrations from the prior evening. On that note, stuff a bottle of rum in that day-bag of yours. Hair of the dog is real, hombre!

It’s not all waves and rum, though. Spend your downtime snorkelling, finding waterfalls, or do as Toth does and get an aerial view of coast. Pelican Helicopter Tours is based out of the Aguadilla airport and charges $300 for a half-hour; A small price to pay for uncovering your next session’s empty lineup, a key to your good time.